Thoughts from the Bereavement Counsellor

“Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give your heart to no one”.    C. S. Lewis wrote this in observations from his book “Living through Grief” after his wife’s death.

Pain is part of loving. If we wish for a painless world we are wishing away love as well. Can you imagine a world without the love of parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, children, an army of uncles and aunts and friends.What a miserable and joyless place it would be.

But it is this beautiful part of our lives – the love we know from families and friends that causes so much pain when we loose someone through death. The only way to escape this is to harden our hearts to any emotion and not to seek relationships which may lead to us actually liking or even loving someone!!

Love is costly and the pain which is experience when we loose someone hurts us physically.

And it is this pain that makes many think ‘they are going mad’;  ‘going round the bend’. Anxious family and friends convince them they need counselling because ‘something is wrong’.

Grieving the death of a loved one is not abnormal. Grief and pain are a healthy response to a deep loss.  But often, the closest to the bereaved are not the ones to help – they are too involved.

This is a where a ‘skilled listener’ can help. Someone with whom you can talk about the deceased, tell the story, share those unsayable, unthinkable thoughts with someone else.  This is not weakness – it is not abnormal.    Having someone ‘listen’ to you is a gift – a gift of sharing in your pain.

Part of sharing our pain can be in prayer – Jesus invites  us to bring all our pain and troubles to Him.   But sometimes this can be difficult on your own and it is here another person can help by praying with you.

If you feel you have no-one to ‘share your pain of bereavement’ with, perhaps the Workplace Chaplaincy can help – by just listening, being there for you, praying with you if you would like;  or by pointing you in the direction of one of the self-help groups that help the bereaved.

You need not be on your own  - 

A prayer when bereaved
Lord Jesus Christ, in the darkness of my loss I come to you.
I cannot believe what has happened and yet I know it is true;
Sorrow and anxiety fill my life
and it’s hard to find rest.
so I come to you, Lord Jesus.
I bring to you the burden in my heart – it is too heavy for me.
Please take the weight and bear it with me, Lord,
and give me your peace.   Amen.
(Christian Publicity Organization)

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